Poems, Thoughts and Memories

Young at Heart

I remember being young
When time seemed slow.
A summer lasted forever
and I had nowhere to go.

Now time is faster!
The young are older
and the old are dead...
I should have been bolder.

T.W. Nosh
Heaven and Hell on Earth

Does heaven or hell exist?
I think not...
Am I good?
I think so...
Am I bad?
I think not...
When I try to think
Nothing happens!
Life is my reward
and punishment.

T.W. Nosh
Thoughts

-Life is hard; giving up is easy. Suiside is a cowards way out; dying is easy
-Never be in a rush to poop
-Most of the time, check your poop for proper formation, unless, of course, its obvious (eg diarrhea)
-Pooping amount almost matches food intake. To loose weight: small amount to no food 2-3' before sleep & after waking up
-Learn from your spouse, but remember you're independent
-If you spend your whole life looking for a soul mate, you may either never getting married or end up with a life mate
-Gluten is good
-Skeptic questions everything, but I say anything is possible. Am I gullible?
-In many ways, we know each other better than we know ourselves; we want it that way, but don't necessarily like everything we see/find out. It's good to let each other know that we're discovering each other.
-Selfishness Spurs creative thinking
-Sometimes I wish I was a synthetic (or synth from Humans series) or walker (from Walking Dead series), but most of the time I feel lucky
-Communicate/talk with, listen to & understand your spouse
-Joint exercises
-There is a saying "a little bit of knowledge can be dangerous", I may be a hypochondriac...
-Rubbing eyes can cause poor vision
-Interplanetary space travel using magnetic & gravitational forces, same as (south or north) magnets repel 1 another
-2d world can't see 3d world, 3d world can't see 4d. Living in a material world.
-life/soul partner/mate, a person with whom one is in a long-term monogamous relationship, "their dancing has changed since they have become life partners", A life partner or life companion is a romantic or otherwise very close friend for life. The partners can be of the same or opposite sexes, married or unmarried, life partners with platonic relationships are a common theme in serious and popular literature
-As we both grow older, accept lifestyle changes; grow up!
-When I was a young boy, my religious upbringing compelled me to confess my sins monthly. The only sin I could think of was impure thoughts. I remember being conflicted because it was a sin to think about what seemed to be natural sexual animalistic type thoughts/urges. I now realize/believe these "impure thoughts" are not sins as long as they remain as just thoughts.
-6/12/17 had a fight; we both screamed & cried. I used to think that we were good for each other; being 2 very different people from seemingly different backgrounds. But now we hurt each other more frequently without intending to or even realizing it. At least we have something to show for or efforts: Joey. We then went to Malibu Creek State Park; drove to beach & took a walk near Santa Monica pier.
-I me mine, be less selfish
----Should spouses (Joey/Alina) share secrets (grand/parents)?
-Stents: I didn't want dad to brag he’d outlived me
-My pills, anti-suicide pills
-Brush hair regularly to get oils to the ends
-I am only half; spouse is the other half. The best half?
-Even when you're doing nothing, you're body is doing something
-Patience is a virtue
-Dreams are like wishes, anything can happen. It's up to you; mind over body
-A kiss->maybe a chance to dream...
-Love to dream; dream to love,
-(-> can lead to)
-If you die from over drinking, you may be called stupid.
-Some people comit suicide.
-If you die from a heart attack it's an act of God/Allah/nature/etc.:-(
-If you really knew me you wouldn't like me. You really do know me & don't seem to like me.
-I am not worthy to be your soul mate; I hope I can be your life partner.
-Pretend to make marital love
-I love life & live to love
-Kona chocolate coffee & Chocolate beans
More Thoughts

-human intelligence is measured by humans
-humans also measure animal's intelligence
-nature is intelligent, including rocks
-pets make good companions
-some pets are smarter than others (including humans)
-machines (including computers) can be smarter than humans
-Can computers (or gadgets) make good companions?
-discussing politics or religion can lead to arguing
-discussing can lead to cussing
i love you

i love you a lot, let me count.
i love you:

1) morning noon and night; all day
2) when you work or play.
3) before and after you shower...
4) and brush your teeth.
5) when you drive with me in the car
6) when we go shopping.
7) before and after we sleep;
8) when we watch tv and eat...

i could count all day,
and say it many ways-
but one thing is certain:
i love you a lot!

t.w. nosh
p.s: work in progress
Memories (Keep Notes backup)
As a family, we went to Hemet to see Ramona outdoor pageant

Dad taking us three boys to Tujunga canyon wash. We ran wild but Dad got very angry and wound up yelling and then eventually slapping everybody as he found us when we returned

Me injured in garage door malfunction incident, dad sent me through lower crack

Hedgehog visited us while we slept outside in sleeping bags in Germany

Using vinegar and baking soda for a rocket like action

I think it was Emil that made a science project to show how tornadoes are formed

My. Interest in & research of the digestive system to the point of wanting to do a science project

Ken Zysk sold me a Datson for $1,000

As the kid: dad angerily cutting my finger nails (ouch), dad in a nursing home asking me to cut his nails

Perry the flying squirrel and my life size model of a squirrel

Visiting john in the hospital for his broken arm, he got to have ice cream everyday

John finding nine sticks of dynamite in the vacant lot across from Pigly Wigly, Tujunga

Riding in Emil's $19 first car, an old Pontiac with exhaust coming through the floor boards, to St Francis. He hid the car a block away to avoid our parents knowing that he had it

Sheriff John and soupy sales with White fang and black tooth

Sneaking up the alley on hellindale so Emil could drive us to St Francis with his $19 Plymouth, which had smoke coming through the firewall

Dad: I wonder how the poor people are doing? Mom: [we're better off than] the starving kids in India

John falling out of tree and losing his breath

Digging a hole to China with John in the anal, dad turning it into a trash hole

My father asking "how are your bowel movements?"

Dad teaching us how to shower, soap suds to come cover your body like a white man

Uncle Tony saying he hopes Governor Wallace will be elected to be president because he'll keep those damn niggars in their place

Nelson air conditioning company

Emil didn't like runny eggs

Me correcting Mr Wong who was also the football coach

St Francis principal cutting Mark Barkowitz's long hair

Emil telling me about Father Michael's squats at St Francis high School

Dad saying "I wonder how the poor people are doing"

Altar boy/wine

Coaxing spiders out of their web homes

Apple eworld before AOL

Tree stump removal with car & chain

I made a plywood car dashboard

Killing bird with pellet gun

Secretly squirting Wolfgang (friend of Gerhard with Emil) with Mike after he became drunk from beer festival in Germany

Killing A bird

Dad slapping the 3 boys in big Tujunga wash

Eating/sucking on sourgrass

As kids, my parents would take my brother's & me to the east coast to stay with some of my relatives. I have two distinct memories that were told to us about what happened during World War 2.

The first story was from a guy called Red Morrow. He was married to one of my father's cousins, Adrian Morrow. He had fond memories of being in a tank & going through towns they had taken over from the Germans. They would take off the edge of buildings going around the corner instead of just turning left or right.

The other guy didn't like talking about his memories because he was a flamethrower who killed a lot of people. I think he was my father's sister (Mary's) husband. As kids, we would coax him to talk about his memories. He carried a pack on his back that had the fuel in it and a long rod that shot the fire out. He would burn people to death. Flamethrowers were very valuable because they could do a lot a lot of damage.

I am what I am & that's all that I am

John found 9 sticks of nitroglycerin dynamite, Emil & I? "Light 1, you still have 8 left", John: "no" & told parents, FBI came? to investigate

Grandma Schrom, Hillhaven, Tujunga

10641 Helendale Ave, Tujunga, CA, our house from ~1956-1966

Special nut picking tool, Mom?

Best to be at back of airline crash

Father (severe)>mother for discipline, but knowing punishment coming a deterrent

Songs associated with memories

1 is the Loneliest Number by 3 Dog Night

I Feel Free by Cream

Singing Alto in the choir in grade school, Christmas pageant, drummer boy song

Modifying (amplifying) organ to play in band

With John (looked wierd?) in E St. Louis, only I ate castor beans, got sick & vomited, went to hospital?

Bellarmine Jefferson high school, military Catholic coed, Mike Parent

Altar boy, choir

Father Michael, Mr. Wong, Jesuits at St. Francis High La Canada

Iberian language with Chris Van Buren & Betty, John

John telling me about mistake in Louie Louie song

The Thinker statue

Making swords out of metal strips for sword fighting, dangerous

Recorder with Emil & John, Emil? Would make up skits

Science fair exhibit: hurricane, Emil?

Accidents, wanted more attention from Mom

John: John Hale, Courtland Vargas? & The Looking Glass band, befriended younger brother

Friday 13th, chauffeur, lucky to be above the ground

Dream/sleep walking, furniture crawling, parents: what are you doing? Go back to bed

Intervention at Vickie Predmore's house. Vickie Graul's crush.

Steve Olds (washed cars at father's business, Oldsmobile? dealership), gay Steve (Helen "moldy rags" liked him).

Ran for senior class president at VHS while using crutches from motorcycle accident.

My 1968 motorcycle accident on Rick Sewell's Honda 350. John's girlfriend's (Ann) mother hit my left side; license plate tore off my ankle. Fire hydrant broke my fall & right collar bone. Dad wanted part of $20,000 settlement; got full amount when I turned 18 & bought a new 1972 Chevy Blazer with removable fiberglass top. Replaced in line 6 with a 350? V8 engine.

John's friends: Courtland Varga, rich Hollywood hills "Looking Glass" band. John played bass guitar. I became friends with his younger brother.

John Hale, I thought he was wierd.

Rich? girlfriend Deborah.

Tujunga Helendale neighbors: Jimmy, JoAnn & Diane Emanuel. Jimmy molesting Diane; JoAnn sexually flirting with John. Sandra & Marsha (next door), John exposing nakedness to Marsha through open window.

180# makes good trash compactor, dad

Almost dying after mixing chemicals in swimming pool shed

David Nelson running away from Blazer

Yvonne cut wrist on bare wagon wheel

East St. Louis tornado, dad showing us the devastation

Dad: cut my fingers x2; mad when cutting finger nails

Dad: bread & graveyard - poor man's steak

Forgotten at Bob’s Big Boy, started to walk home, only had a nickel, waitress called home, even mom didn't miss me!

I forgot about leaving Ed in Germany

Green hats for ID in Europe

Bats flying at night

Low gears-brakes, dad, engine to slow down

Vickie Predmore (confronted me), Vickie Graul (crush on me), ran into orange groves

Life with Stefanie Miszczanczuk

Joey most important to raise

Saved my life (CPR), Emanuel pulled me out of water, after I electrocuted myself assembling roof over doughboy pool with electric drill/screwdriver

1st date: walk on Santa Monica beach (Serra club) to Oar House

Party with Stefanie, dancing; I left?

Catching lizards, snakes, scorpions, spiders,etc with David & Jackie Nelson whose mother would freak out

Hang gliding with???, friend of Greg Worthley? (lived with him & his girlfriend, Bill? & His girlfriend, Charlene), 1972?

Trip towards S America with TJ (Terrance Williams, left in Mexico) in Chevy Blazer (1st purchased car)

Cross country trips with Emil, John & Rick Sewell; then Ken Zisk in Datsun, which I bought from him for ($1,100?)

Rick Sewell, who lived in back house in Monrovia, married Ronda Hannah

3 trees camp with dad, Emil, John, me & Jimmy (Balky?), John? cried & ran after dad, who threatened to leave us because of our behavior

Launching rockets from cow paddies with Steve, John & (Lee?) Schrom, our (Emil, John & me) cross country trip

squirrely the plastic squirrel

living in Germany, triplex, next to Danish family-Lotta, Dotta & Mikel, dog hannibal (great dane)

POP roller coaster 6 times, won free trip from new paper route subscribers, most new customers

Keep arms & legs in the boat game on bed with covers

Confession once a month-impure thoughts was all I'd confess most of the time

Stimulate memories from 1 word

Stefanie giggling at my trimmed moustache-misinterpreted laugh

Impure thoughts-sin to confess?

Dad-said Pati with smiley face x2 from Pati Duke show; twins played by same actress (B&W tv)

1st color TV, 1950s, dad liked technology

Holding hands with Leonard Belanger

Soupy sales

John falling out of tree in Tujunga; we were like monkeys

John ran a bit faster than me

Father influential

europe via urail pass-travel at noc, different country each day

cool water, dads record, singing along with record, still remembers song

Clean white soap-shower

Uncle Tony: governor Wallace will put those damn Niger's in their place

spike jones records

our recordings; emil liked

cowboy games, wanted dead or alive (steve mcqueen), paladin, john wayne tv shows/westerns

sleeping mats in kindergartin

its howdy duty time

drop sugar bags from restaurants from top of eiffel tower

bugs in bread from cheap hotel in spain

catching salamanders in bomb craters in germany

crooked kinks in trees from bomb fragments

rats as big as cats at dumping place in black forest

found old knife in trash heap-Rusted, John still has?

brain uses most blood flow, heart second

earliest-charleston; dad yelling about bugs crawling on walls-dream?

mom’s birthday May 10 (sometimes same as mother's day), close to mine, liked me best, bonded

dad, keep limbs in boat-bed/blanket

Dad, approached by gay on plane, said you can't procreate

traveling is educational

gin & vermouth, 1st drunk time, slept on patio-mom!

gin & tonic, maya made; liked

1959 ford station wagon-cross country trip with emil, john & ric sewell

rear axel vibration, ‘59 Ford, Dad obsessed?

tujunga; 3 bedrooms & 9 kids

e st louis, illinois

farmland, harmon, next door neighbor

Neighbor & dad? Killing mole with shovel

burned trash; ashes in knee; climb on mountain of trash

slept on TWA flight to california

grandma schrom

aunt rosemary

.wierd large walcek family; knew & played with kids from other large Catholic families

emil, sleep in snow experiment, asthma, 1st car $19-exhaust thru floor &?-hid on next street-took alley & rode to st francis instead of 10 speed bikes

john, exposed self to neighbor marsha, ladies man

mary, marry-close, straight a's but d in hand writing

rosie, dad cut hair like a boy, bowl over head

teresa, skinny & wierd

chris: big chief rain in the face; SIT?

ed: happy baby

ann: gymnastics

3 trees camp

Me & John, trade nickels 4 dimes, Emil

retreat audio & video

Eat nose picking/toss with sonny (sp?) at Uncle Tony’s, "he'll put those damn niggers in place"

adriane & red, war stories, blueberry home remedy 4 fever

hit sisters in arm

#72 from 2nd grade

10 years of catholic school

Neil david-shy like me

OLL: gradeschool; our lady of lourdes-bvm black veiled monsters-blessed virgin mary, Richard Iozio-short but long pointy shoes with cleates, Marsha? Worshipped from afar, fat legs/ankles

senior football players ran school at St. Francis all boys school

father principal (monks ran school) hid scissors 2 cut hair-mark barkowitz

richard iozio, robert butler, mrs harris in wheelchair threw blackboard erasors

orthodox wedding

John driving '58 Ford, accident, egg sized head bump from hitting dashboard

Nightmare sleep walking, parents: go back to bed

Falling off homemade skateboard, hit head on pavement (concussion?)

Garage door spring broken, dad propt up door with iron bar, sent me in through opening, door or bar fell onto me (head?), Dad yelled at me

The three kittens sing: "one, two, three 3 little kittens are we, I'm black, I'm brown, I'm gray....we are as happy as we can be, oh boy, hurrah, hurray....etc..... especially when there is no one at home"

180# makes good trash compactor

This Old man, song

Karams, board game

La Vina: Mrs Rheil, "hit me harder" CPT for COPD, Bronchosol & heated aerosol (HA), setup entire row of patients, met& showed Stefanie CPT

UCSB dorms:

John Thomson, Dennis, Lewis, coed dorms

Loud music, Santana music "Oye Comp Va"? long blond parted hair, rich? Pantie raids

Almost dying after mixing chemicals in swimming pool shed

David Nelson running away from Blazer

Yvonne cut wrist on bare wagon wheel

East St. Louis tornado, dad showing us the devastation

Dad: cut my fingers x2; mad when cutting finger nails

Dad: bread & graveyard - poor man's steak

Forgotten at Bob’s Big Boy, started to walk home, only had a nickel, waitress called home, even mom didn't miss me!

I forgot about leaving Ed in Germany

Green hats for ID in Europe

Bats flying at night

Low gears-brakes, dad, engine to slow down

Steve Olds (father dealership), Steve xxx? (moldy rags, gay), Vickie Predmore (confronted me), Vickie Graul (crush on me), ran into orange groves

Joey most important to raise

Stefanie saved my life (CPR), Emanuel pulled me out of water, after I electrocuted myself assembling roof over doughboy pool with electric drill/screwdriver

1st date: walk on Santa Monica beach (Serra club) to Oar House

Party with Stefanie, dancing; I left?

Catching lizards, snakes, scorpions, spiders,etc with David & Jackie Nelson whose mother would freak out

Hang gliding with???, friend of Greg Worthley? (lived with him & his girlfriend, Bill? & His girlfriend, Charlene), 1972?

Trip towards S America with TJ (Terrance Williams, left in Mexico) in Chevy Blazer (1st purchased car)

Cross country trips with Emil, John & Rick Sewell; then Ken Zisk in Datsun, which I bought from him for ($1,100?)

Rick, who lived in back house, married Ronda Hannah

3 trees camp with dad, Emil, John, me & Jimmy (Balky?), John? cried & ran after dad, who threatened to leave us because of our behavior

Launching rockets from cow paddies with Steve, John & (Lee?) Schrom, our (Emil, John & me) cross country trip

squirrely the plastic squirrel

living in Germany, triplex, next to Danish family-Lotta, Dotta & Mikel, dog hannibal (great dane)

POP roller coaster 6 times, won free trip from new paper route subscribers, most new customers

Keep arms & legs in the boat game on bed with covers

Confession once a month-impure thoughts was all I'd confess most of the time

Stimulate memories from 1 word

Stefanie giggling at my trimmed moustache-misinterpreted laugh

Impure thoughts-sin to confess?

Dad-said Pati with smiley face x2 from Pati Duke show; twins played by same actress (B&W tv)

1st color TV, 1950s, dad liked technology

Holding hands (affection?) with Leonard Belanger

Soupy sales

John falling out of tree in Tujunga; we were like monkeys

John ran a bit faster than me

Father influential

europe via urail pass-travel at noc, different country each day

cool water, dads record, singing along with record, still remembers song

Clean white soap-shower

Uncle Tony: governor Wallace will put those damn Niger's in their place

spike jones records

our recordings; emil liked

cowboy games, wanted dead or alive (steve mcqueen), paladin, john wayne tv shows/westerns

sleeping mats in kindergartin

its howdy duty time

drop sugar bags from restaurants from top of eiffel tower

bugs in bread from cheap hotel in spain

catching salamanders in bomb craters in germany

crooked kinks in trees from bomb fragments

rats as big as cats at dumping place in black forest

found old knife in trash heap-Rusted, John still has?

brain uses most blood flow, heart second

earliest-charleston; dad yelling about bugs crawling on walls-dream?

mom’s birthday May 10 (sometimes same as mother's day), close to mine, liked me best, bonded

dad, keep limbs in boat-bed/blanket

Dad, approached by gay on plane, said you can't procreate

traveling is educational

gin & vermouth, 1st drunk time, slept on patio-mom!

gin & tonic, maya made; liked

1959 ford station wagon-cross country trip with emil, john & ric sewell

rear axel vibration, ‘59 Ford, Dad obsessed?

tujunga; 3 bedrooms & 9 kids

e st louis, illinois

farmland, harmon, next door neighbor

Neighbor & dad? Killing mole with shovel

burned trash; ashes in knee; climb on mountain of trash

slept on TWA flight to california

grandma schrom

aunt rosemary

.wierd large walcek family; knew & played with kids from other large Catholic families

emil, sleep in snow experiment, asthma, 1st car $19-exhaust thru floor &?-hid on next street-took alley & rode to st francis instead of 10 speed bikes

john, exposed self to neighbor marsha, ladies man

mary, marry-close, straight a's but d in hand writing

rosie, dad cut hair like a boy, bowl over head

teresa, skinny & wierd

chris: big chief rain in the face; SIT?

ed: happy baby

ann: gymnastics

3 trees camp

Me & John, trade nickels 4 dimes, Emil

retreat audio & video

Eat nose picking/toss with sonny (sp?) at Uncle Tony’s, "he'll put those damn niggers in place"

adriane & red, war stories, blueberry home remedy 4 fever

hit sisters in arm

#72 from 2nd grade

10 years of catholic school

Neil david-shy like me

OLL: gradeschool; our lady of lourdes-bvm black veiled monsters-blessed virgin mary, Richard Iozio-short but long pointy shoes with cleates, Marsha? Worshipped from afar, fat legs/ankles

senior football players ran school at St. Francis all boys school

father principal (monks ran school) hid scissors 2 cut hair-mark barkowitz

richard iozio, robert butler, mrs harris in wheelchair threw blackboard erasors

orthodox wedding

finding 3 dimes after running across a busy street & jumping to the other side and after giving $0.30 to church

Digging a hole to china in the backyard and dad filling it in with garbage

Middle finger tank game

Downloading anything and everything from eworld

Camping near lake Erie where the mosquitoes were so thick that Rick and I slept inside the car and rolled the windows up to get away from the mosquitoes. Rick and I attempted to kill all the mosquitoes that were inside the car while John didn't seem to mind sleeping on a cot outside the car. We were awakened the next morning by a tapping on the window of the car by a park ranger who told us that we can't camp here because there's too many mosquitoes. After that Rick got very ill from what we presumed to be a mosquito bite.

We went to the Canadian side of Niagara Falls where Rick and I climbed over the edge of the rails to be closer to the water so that we could put our hand in the water so John could take our picture. A park ranger told us that we had to come back up over the rails because it was illegal to be there. He said it was legal for us to commit suicide but it was against the law to be there because if somebody else saw us and had a heart attack.

I don't remember much of the visiting with East coast relatives

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